i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
