Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
