Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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