I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
