Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
