it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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