You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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