He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
