That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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