who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
