I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
