party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
