Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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