You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
