I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
