Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
