who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
