He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
