my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
