Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
