At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
