Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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