My first STD was from a foam party
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
