he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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