But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
