What a fucking waste of an outfit
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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