I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
