you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
