she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
