I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
