Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
