Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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