Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
