we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
there is puke in my bra ... again
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