I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
