she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
