You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
