No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
