Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
a search helicopter?!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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