Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
