Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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