I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
