let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
