he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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