i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
