Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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