my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
