I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
