i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
