Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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